a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
