Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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