new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
