It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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