So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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