you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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