I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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