why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
