stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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