There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
