tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
