shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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