If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
