Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
