The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
