ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the day after is always just damage control
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
