Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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