Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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