Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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