Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
