i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
