This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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