I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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