You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
