I'm going to jail i love you
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
