Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
