Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
