I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
