Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
