happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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