Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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