i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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