im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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