I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was born a porn star she said
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
