DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
