My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
