i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
