I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
