Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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