You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
