:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
