Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
