OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
