Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
