Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
