Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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