Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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