I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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