i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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