I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
