guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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