somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
