She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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