Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
